There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in a nursing home and the editor of the local newspaper, “The Distorter”, told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin bitteys.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite [...]

Doc,” says Steve, “I want to be castrated.”
“What on earth for?” asks the doctor in amazement.
“It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done” replies Steve.
“But have you thought it through properly?” asks the doctor, “It’s a very serious operation and once it’s done, there’s no going [...]

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run — anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, “Did I wake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. [...]

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
“Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?”
“Negative, [...]

A tourist from New York was hiking through the mountains of North Georgia when he came upon the tiniest cabin he had ever seen in his life. Intrigued, he went up and knocked on the door.
‘Anybody home?’ he asked.
‘Yep,’ came a kid’s voice through the door.
‘Is your father there?’ asked the tourist.
‘Pa? Nope, he left [...]

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”
“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking fancy meal!”
“I know all that.”
“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor fool’s thinking about [...]

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, There is a rip in one of the bags,and every once in a while a €20 bill Falls out onto the pavement. Noticing this, a garda stops her. ‘Missus, there are €20 bills [...]