A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over and asks, “Where have you been?”
“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”
“I did alright,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” [...]

Some of these might come in handy!

Update: More Bitchy Sayings Here

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. ”Hello there,” says the man, ”and what is your name?” ”Hello,” giggles the woman, ”I’m Stacey. What’s yours?”
”I’m Jim.”
”Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??”
”Sure!” replies Jim, ”Let’s go!”
So [...]

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers.
He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American
dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”
The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. [...]

All of India (or at least, the sizable part) is in an uproar over this video depicting a man who looks like Mahatma Gandhi doing a pole dance/strip tease. The Indian government has forced two TV stations to fall to their knees and beg forgiveness for airing the clip. The USA-produced video is native to [...]